I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
