I love black thongs
I can text with my tongue
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sorry my hands just texted you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize