He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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