Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
