he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
