Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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