I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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