I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
