Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize