I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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