how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
