Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
