I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize