I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have post one night stand depression
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
