i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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