...so i touched it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
