Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize