I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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