I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Randomize
