I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
