I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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