Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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