I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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