oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
