If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
