Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
