its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
