Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
