Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
