After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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