Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so explain again why im purple
no
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
