I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
