Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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