yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
