we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
