Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize