So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You're like the curious george of whores
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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