Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
