i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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