I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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