I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize