we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
