I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
