Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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