she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
