I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
