i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
