i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
