Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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