I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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