i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
