FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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