You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize