Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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