just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
