dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
