my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
