redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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