I wish I could punch you in the face.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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