I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So vagazzling was a success
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
