At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I didn't notice because vodka
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize