My brain says no but my pants say off.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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