what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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