we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
