If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
