You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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