and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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