He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
