her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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