I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
