I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
