Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Farmville is her only friend.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
