"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
