I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
