Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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