Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
